


he was a boy, and i am a boy, and he was a boy, can i make it any more obvious?

by ellisonjpine



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi, Song: Skater Boi (Avril Lavigne), Songfic, basically jared sings sk8r boi and has a good time, it's an ironic songfic, making fun of heteronormative women-blaming culture, sk8r boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 12:57:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17560829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellisonjpine/pseuds/ellisonjpine
Summary: “Get ready to fucking nut,” said Jared, putting on Avril Lavigne's Sk8r Boi.sk8r boi sincerely three. jared is the singer, connor is the ballet girl, and evan is the punk boy





	he was a boy, and i am a boy, and he was a boy, can i make it any more obvious?

"Come on in the pool, pussy," jeered Jared from his half-recline, half-imprisonment inside a fruit-themed pool ring. He was on his phone, which was pretty fucking dangerous, but who was Jared if not one to risk his life at any given moment? (...Sarcasm. Jared was a dang coward.)

Evan, floating around aimlessly on one of Zoe's old inflatable toys - a pink and purple unicorn - piped up. "You, you don't have to if you don't want to Connor, it's okay."

Connor fidgeted with one of the bracelets looped around his wrist, a wooden charm he got from Hawaii about three or four years ago. He couldn't remember when. Actually, it was probably Zoe's, but he found it in his room so it's his now.

"I don't need you guys ordering me around at my own house. Or well, Jared, at least," he added at Evan's slight pout. Connor moved from his cross-legged position to dangle his legs into the pool anyway, just to appease Jared.

Jared was not appeased. “You were the one who invited us over, Connor, I don't see why you'd leave us to drown alone,” he said, wading over to the edge of the pool with his phone held high. He could tell Jared was going to reach for his legs and pull him in, but he quickly used his height advantage to snatch Jared's phone from his grasp. 

Standing up with a splash, and an indignant “Hey!” from Jared, he scrolled through the phone's Spotify and hooked it up to the portable Bluetooth speaker (because the Murphy family was fucking loaded). Evan was watching the whole interaction with a little sleepy smile on his face.

Jared's phone case was made of cheap plastic, with a pineapple pattern on its back. Connor's fingers kept subconsciously trying to spin a fidget ring on the back when he realised Jared didn't have one. Weird.

“You better not put on some shitty alternative rock song,” said Jared, wriggling about in his pool ring. Connor simply smirked as the first few lilting notes of Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons drifted out of the speaker.

Jared let out a groan of resentment. “I trusted you,”

“No you didn't,” said Connor, without malice. He stepped around the tiles, dripping spots of pool water behind him, to place the phone next to the speaker.

Jared crossed his arms and rested his chin on them. “The lyrics don't even make sense, it's like word vomit,” he groaned. “This is so annoying.”

“You're not looking into it hard enough, Kleinman.”

“I shouldn't have to!”

The two of them exchanged banter for most of the song until Jared realised that Evan had dozed off. He was draped over the unicorn inflatable, eyes shut, hair dry and glowing in the golden sun. One thick arm was resting across his torso, which rose and fell deeply. He looked... peaceful. 

Jared let out a snigger. “I'm gonna push him in the pool,” he said, already kicking himself over to Evan's inflatable.

“You're so evil, come on. He looks so relaxed,” said Connor with a frown. “Just let the guy sleep.”

“You stole my phone, so this is just payback.”

“There are like fifty different things wrong with that argument, but whatever,” Connor said, pressing pause on Jared's phone. “I'll let you play one song if you let him be. And only one.”

“Gay,” whispered Jared under his breath, reaching out to grab his precious phone off the tiles.

The wind blew through the trees as Connor waited for the song to come on, and he let out an involuntary shiver. His legs were, like, freezing. That's a weird science thing, right? When you put something in water and when you take it out and blow on it it feels really cold?

...He's failed biology twice.

“Get ready to fucking nut,” said Jared, putting on Avril Lavigne's Sk8r Boi. Despite not having any known prior knowledge of the guitar, or any musical skill whatsoever, Jared pulled off a surprisingly convincing (if watery) air guitar solo. As Avril started singing, he shouted the lyrics in his nasally voice,

“He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more heteronormative?”

Connor let out a snort at that. Jared raised an eyebrow at him comically.

“He was a punk, she did ballet,” he accented this line with a little pirouette in the water, “What more can I say? He wanted her, she'd never tell, but secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends, stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes...”

At the chorus, Jared started headbanging. Droplets of water splashed from his wet hair as his head shook with enough force to nearly dislodge his glasses. He kept singing along as he did, obviously straining to reach some of the notes. Connor stifled his laughter, trying not to wake Evan, who was stirring.

“Five years from now, she sits at home, feeding the baby she's all alone, but it's literally not her fault because she had no obligation to date Sk8r Boi and we shouldn't blame her especially since her friends lowkey pressured her into her decision,” Jared said all in one breath, taking a comically large one to prepare for the next line. “She turns on TV, guess who she sees, Sk8r Boi rockin' on MTV,” he sang, accompanied by charades of using a TV remote, and rocking along with the guitar, “she calls up her friends, they already know, and they've all got tickets to see his show. What two-faced assholes!” he exclaimed. Connor snickered in response. “She tags along, and stands in the crowd, looks up at the man that she turned dow-e-o-e-own,” 

“He was a Sk8r Boi, she said see you later boy,” he sang, eyes piercing straight into Connor's from above his wet glasses, “he wasn't good enough for her. Now he's a superstar, suh-lammin' on his guitar. Does your pretty face see what he's worth?” Jared pointed right at Connor's chest at that line, and he would never, ever, ever admit it, but it was sort of.......

He didn't have time to finish that thought, 'cause Jared was swimming up to him (still in that ridiculous pool ring). “He was a Sk8r Boi, she said see you later boy, he wasn't good enough for her. Now he's a superstar, suh-lammin' on his guitar. Does your pretty face see what he's worth?” At this point he was being serenaded by Sk8r Boi. Incredible.

Jared went into another headbanging session, complete with air-guitars and vigorous splashing. There was no way Evan wasn't awake at this point. So much for peace and quiet. 

He suddenly turned away so he was in profile, dramatically singing into an invisible microphone. “Sorry girl but you missed out, well tough luck that boy's mine now,” he gestured to Evan, of all people, but he supposed there was only one role left in the song out of three, “We are more than just good friends. This is how the story ends... Too bad that you couldn't see, see the man that boy could be,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “there is more than meets the eye, I see the soul that is inside.”

Evan as a punk boy, though? It might be a little jarring, but he could definitely pull it off with the right makeup. Connor needed to see that. Just... just to practice his makeup skills, of course.

“He's just a boy, I'm just a girl.” He gestured to Evan and himself. “Can I make it any more obvious? We are in love, haven't you heard?” Despite the lyrics of the song, Jared's singing sounded strangely heartwarmingly genuine. “And we rock each other's wo-u-ourld!” 

He whipped. Oh my god. He whipped. Connor takes that back, nothing is romantic about this. “I'm with the Sk8r Boi, I said see you later boy! I'll be backstage after the show. I'll be at the studio, singing the song we wrote, about a girl you used to know,” he said, aiming a wink in Connor's direction. “I'm with the Sk8r Boi, I said see you later boy! I'll be backstage after the show.” He was full-out grooving now, water splattering all across the pool and even onto the tiles at the far end, hitting Evan in the face and Connor in the (nearly-dry, god damnit) legs. “I'll be at the studio, singing the song we wrote, about a girl you used to kno-o-o-w..........” He faded off into an emotional whisper, one arm raised into the sky, still in his stupid pool ring. 

“What the hell did I just wake up to,” said Evan, staring at the scene. Connor let out the guffaw he'd been holding in. Christ.

**Author's Note:**

> ok. i am Not shitting on amsterdam by imagine dragons, i actually love that song and i've performed it live before. i just don't know enough about music to know any other alternative songs. actually, i'm not even sure if it's alternative rock. hmm. huh..
> 
> let me know if you enjoyed this!! i'm out here making that sweet dear evan hansen content all the time  
> you can ask for requests/prompts too and i'll see what i can do lol


End file.
